Tips for Teens
by Peter Mladinic


What to read? American Pat Boone's Twixt
Twelve and Twenty or British A. J. Ayer's
Language, Truth and Logic? Ayer, the father
of Logical Positivism, instead of stimulating
thought, might confuse me. Pat Boone tells
teens what to do for their skin, their hearts
and minds. My father, who told me I need to
learn how to talk to people, gave me Twixt.
In college I delved into existentialist Ayer.
I like Hamlet's "nothing either good or bad
but thinking makes it so." I like Pat Boone
when he comes out in that silk robe to do
bathtub commercials. On Ed Sullivan, he sang
"April Love." He wore white bucks, drove
a Corvette. He and Shirley had been high
school sweethearts. No sex before marriage
he says in his book. It's on Amazon. I lost
mine before I lost my virginity (to Penny
Williams, I wish). Yesterday I opened Ayer's
Language and saw my 1970 marginalia.
Ayer, wan pallor, thin-face, shifty-eyes,
looks like the bad boy girls go for. A kiss-
and-run lover raising a glass in a pub with a bird,
not a scholar in the stacks pouring over
pages of Ethics, in '39, before The Blitz.

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